Choices

Being the parent of a toddler is never an easy job.  I'm fortunate to have just about the easiest, most laid-back, happy toddler you could hope for; but even he can be a struggle.  All toddlers have tantrums/meltdowns/screaming fits from time to time.  All toddlers revel in being contrary.  All parents get frustrated with it at some point!

The root cause of these stereotypical toddler behaviors (terrible 2's) is a greater understanding of the world around them.  Children in the 1 1/2 to 3 age range are discovering that other people (parents, teachers, older siblings) dictate every thing that they do.  Add to that the fact that most toddlers lack the language skills to fully express themselves.  Toddlers have ideas, opinions, and desires that they can't get the people around them to understand.  What they can do, is refuse.  They say no, they resist, they throw tantrums.  They express their frustration at having little to no control over themselves.

One thing that can help with tantrums, is giving choices.  You just have to make sure that you are offering genuine choices.  If you ask a child, "Do you want to go to bed?"  They'll probably say no.  Unless you're ok with them staying up, this was not a genuine choice.  What I usually try (let's be honest, none of us will get it right 100% of the time) is asking, "do you want Mommy or Daddy to put you to bed?"  He still has to go to bed, but he has some control over how it happens.

The above choice has worked out overwhelmingly in my favor.  Since Sam works away from home most days, Richard is always eager for Daddy time. I get to sit down and enjoy a few minutes of quiet while Sam puts him to bed.  Except last night.  Last night, when offered the choice, Richard threw himself in my arms and laid his head on my chest.  Somehow I didn't miss the few extra minutes to myself.